God does not have Someone for You

‘Christians are often embroiled with fatalism. I have heard entire sermons about how God has one special person planned for every single boy and girl. In addition to ruining the lives of countless Christians, this doctrine is not Biblical. The texts used to support this (just like Rebekah being picked for Issac) always tend to boarder on figures of speech or only show isolated instances for people that have special relationships with God. The Bible also has very strange instances in which odd things go on in marriages (such as Jacob marrying both Rachel and Leah). If the fatalist view was correct, some unlucky guy never got to marry the girl picked out for him OR two unlucky girls both paired with a guy for whom two wives were picked out. It gets weird. Fatalism is not Biblical.

The Bible does not hold this fatalistic approach to marriage:

Paul gives widows the liberty to remarriage whomever “she wishes” (1 Cor 7:39). Paul advises people not to marry at all (1Co 7:8). Jesus is confronted by a scenario where seven brothers married the same lady (Luk 20:29). This handing down of wives to surviving brothers was ubiquitous in the Jewish culture. Jesus allows divorce (Mat 5:32), and Paul allows divorce (1Co 7:15). And Paul also warns Christians not to marry unbelievers (2Co 6:14). In each of these cases, fatalism is not assumed into the text although this would have been the perfect place to add “by the way, God has your special person chosen for you”.(…)’

Source: Christopher Fisher (realityisnotoptional)


‘Rob Marus writes in Christianity Today:

We were told constantly that “God has that special someone out there for you” and that “you should be preparing yourself for that person even now.” My youth minister never said anything about how difficult marriage might be after we found that special someone. I can’t blame him; he was too busy making sure that we would defer sex until marriage to tell us much about what came afterward.

This crazy teaching has its genesis in Genesis: the only two occasions in scripture when God provided a specific wife for a specific man. God gave Eve to Adam and provided Rebekkah for Isaac. Both were special cases: Eve was the mother of the human race, and Rebekkah was the mother of the Hebrew nation. Through the remaining 65 books of the Bible, God never arranges another marriage. Nonetheless, youth leaders the world over point to these two ancestral couples as proof that God preordains a special mate for each of us.

This bad snippet of theology causes all kinds of dysfunction among young Christians. They fall in love, and then pray intently: “God, is this the one you have prepared for me?” God is silent. Hearing nothing, they have two choices: walk away from a perfectly acceptable mate, or marry under a cloud of fear, terrified that they’re outside of God’s will.

Once problems crop up in the marriage, a Christian woman will sometimes think, “God never clearly told me that Brad was THE ONE. I’ve obviously missed the man God had for me. My marriage to Brad was not God’s will.” The Deceiver has given the woman a theological basis for leaving her husband.’

source: David Murrow, “How the sexual purity movement drives young men from church” (patheos).


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